Saturday, April 2, 2011

All the Cool Kids Lay in Bacon Grease While Watching General Conference

Today was the beginning of General Conference. A weekend where we as Latter-Day Saints gather together to listen to the counsel of our prophet and other various leaders. The sessions today were so great. I think it was the first time that I have ever watched them without falling asleep. I am usually so tired, that try as I might I always seem to awaken during the closing hymn needing to wipe the drool off my face. I thought for sure that that was how today was going to go as I was up late last night writing that nonsensical post.

My alarm started going off at 8:30. I always set my alarm a little bit earlier than I need in the hopes that I will actually get up and maybe shower before conference starts so I am not just sitting in my dirtiness all day long. But of course when my alarm goes off I immediately start touching my hair and face and convince myself that I am not that greasy and can keep sleeping. So my alarm kept going off and I kept hitting that snooze button as if it had stolen my lunch money. Five minutes before the the start of Conference my dad comes into my room and says "Hey you gonna watch Conference?" In my head I begin thinking to myself, "I could keep sleeping, after all the Sunday sessions are the important ones, right?" But out loud I just grumble, "I guess so. Where are we watching it?"

He responds, "Your mom and I are just gonna watch it in bed on a laptop." This sparks my memory. I have a laptop literally a foot from my bed on my ottoman. All I would have to do it roll over to watch conference. Of course that was a lot easier said than done. I laid in bed telling myself, "Okay roll over on three. One. Two. Three.... That was a good build up, lets actually roll over this next time." After a little while I finally accomplished my task and had successfully started watching Conference. I thought this was a genius idea. Just watch Conference while laying down in bed. I thought for sure I would fall asleep but figured that was okay because I would be listening while I slept.

At this time my mom came in and asked if I would like some oatmeal and receiving a positive response she returned with a bowl of oatmeal and a few strips of turkey bacon. Usually I hate bacon but have discovered recently that I actually enjoy turkey bacon... weird I know. So here I am bundled up in my bed eating oatmeal and watching Conference like a total queen! I finish my food and move my bowl and paper towel that had been holding my turkey bacon and discover this!
The bacon grease had soaked through and stained my awesome sheets that I am kinda obsessed with because they are so soft and amazing. Not only were my favorite sheets stained but my bed smelled like bacon, which for some people, like my friend Jessie who ate 45 strips of bacon in one sitting as a personal challenge, would love, but I kinda wanted to vomit. However vomiting required me getting out of bed so that didn't happen and I just continued watching Conference in the stench of bacon but I was not happy about it. In fact, I normally would have been like this:


If you can't tell as my artist skills are kinda non-existent, those blobs are flames! Just had to clarify because I wasn't even sure what they were and I am the one who drew them! But as I was saying, I would normally have been like that but as we were watching Conference I felt that I needed to reign it in a bit and was actually a little more like this:


Okay I think this drawing REALLY needs labels. That is a golden halo on my head and have pretty white wings that allow to fly through those soft fluffy clouds... but I am still a little upset as is evidenced by that lovely face! Anyway that was the gist of my story. Conference today. I was super tired. Still managed to watch it and stay awake the whole time! Stained my sheets with bacon grease. Laid in bacon stench for a few hours but was semi-okay with it. I know you guys are thinking "What an amazing story!" and I don't blame you! Anyhoosier I was so proud of myself that I stayed awake for both sessions! Yay! But someone did not!


Of course as soon as the closing prayer was said and done he magically woke up and began stretching. I guess I am just more righteous than him... and humble apparently!

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